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Should I be punished for leaving?
I finally had my weekend away and boy that was needed. You may remember how tired I was feeling last month and how I hated to be a mother in that moment!
I received so much nice feedback from that blog post that I wanted to give you an update about how it was and how I am feeling. And I sincerely hope you all have booked YOUR time away! Have you?
I came home and was still a little lost the first few days. I didn’t really want to do anything or to think anything. I was very calm. The kids were their usual self but I stayed calm which benefitted them so much. Whenever their father would raise his voice I would take over in my very calm state and solve the situation in a very calm manner. It was great.
I spent some wonderful days in beautiful surroundings with wonderful friends. We talk so much and solved all the worlds’ crises! It was very therapeutic. We spent time in a spa and had nice food and of course lots of drinks!
It was wonderful.
Unfortunately this feeling doesn’t last. After a few days or weeks we go back to being stressed out and start raising our voices again. It is not our fault, this just happens. We get tired, we lose patience, we forget.
This is why it is so important to regularly take time for you. You don’t have to go away every other weekend although you may be thinking that this is what you need to really feel relaxed after years of stress. It doesn’t have to be excessive. Nobody has time or money for that! But you do need to book in some “me-time” from time to time This can be anything that you like doing. Going for a walk, getting a manicure or just a nice conversation with a friend. Anything you want, but you NEED to do it!
We get so lost in all our daily to-do lists because being a parent is a non-stop job! It never stops! Even when they grow up and move out of the house. It just never stops! This is a good thing. This is (hopefully) why we became parents. But you cannot forget yourself in this process.
While I was away I was worried that the kids would “punish” me after I came back. They normally do that. They act out in each their own way. One kid acts out on not wanting to eat anything and the other stops sleeping. This is the way they silently “punish” me for not being around. I was dreading it, but I learnt something truly valuable. This time around I learnt that they are not acting out on me for not being there, they act out on me feeling guilty for leaving them!
Woaw! What a revelation! This time I came back without any guilt. I came back with a refreshed caring mind. I came back with love. I enjoyed myself to the fullest and was recharged!
And guess what. No “punishment” Great!
This just goes to show how important it is for everyone involved that we take care of ourselves. Taking care of yourself is not only for you, but for your kids and for your partner! The kids love seeing this new energized happy mother! And they really enjoyed some time alone with daddy!
Total win win!
Now it’s your turn! No more excuses! Please go book your weekend away or schedule in some me-time. Do it now! Let me know what you come up with in the comments below!
Are you a mom? Want to learn how to take better care of yourself?
When we become mothers we are so good at taking care of everyone else and we completely forget ourselves and our needs! This is not about being selfish, this is about not pouring from an empty cup.
When we take care of ourselves we become much better moms, partners, daughters, sisters and workers.
Let me teach you how and grab your free ebook about my journey and what made it all turn around.
Just click here: –>> http://bit.ly/getrealwithanne
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I am hosting a series of free events to talk about life, health and wellbeing. See more here: www.facebook.com/events/319378295196837
Why I hate being a mother!
Do you remember a few months ago I told you I was writing a book? Click here if you aren’t sure! The plan was to write all the content this summer. It was going really good in the beginning, but somewhere along the way, the book became less and less of a priority! I kept finding excuses for not writing. There was always something else that felt more important.
Yesterday one of my friends asked me about it and I was embarrassed to admit that the book has been put on hold. That is really what is happening. Sometimes you don’t know whether something is true or not before you have said it out loud.
After admitting it, I was trying to figure out why! I am a coach after all! I wanted to get to the bottom of it. It happens that said friend is also a coach, so she was curious too. We started asking and answering questions as we do while listening intently and this is what I realised:
My book is about motherhood and that it is ok to admit that it is hard. The book contains the story of my personal journey into motherhood and how it all changed my life. First to the worst, but then to the better! I finish by explaining in depth the several steps I recommend every mother to go through in order to live her best life possible and to be the confident, great feeling person she deserves to be. These steps are easy but I believe they are so important yet many mothers I know have yet to go through them! The book is obviously also about how much I love my children and how I love being a mother… blablabla…. And this is where I stop!
And here comes my big and daring statement: At this moment, at this very moment when I am writing, I hate being a mother and I wish I never had children!
There it is – it is out there! It is a bold and honestly a quite scary statement.
Now before you go off and judge, please understand that I mean this in this very moment. Not all the time, but right now! I love my children dearly and I wouldn’t want my life to be in any other way, except for right now!
Saying it out loud to my friend yesterday felt really good and was such a relief. She laughed and said “well, that should go in your book!”. Ha-ha, the irony! She said I should call it a sh*t Chapter! Well, here is my sh*t blog post about it!
There is nothing wrong with my kids and they are not more hard work than any other kids. They are just normal kids with their normal kids behaviour! They have tantrums, they cry for no good reason – oh boy how I hate this!!! – they fight with each other, they fight over moms attention, they are just being normal small boys.
I long for the days when they don’t need me as much and I can actually have a normal conversation with an adult. Although when this will happen I know that I will miss the days when they were fighting over who gets to hold mommy’s hand!
**SIGH**
So what can I do about it? I am not going to sit here with all these feelings and not do something about it. That is just not who I am.
For starters I am going to put my book on hold for a little while and not stress over it. Then I am going to meditate, because meditation just feels good! I am usually in another hemisphere on the days when I meditate.
Another thing I do, or I did, is I went to one of my favourite yoga classes this week. Oh, this also felt so yummy!
Finally the Gods must have knows that I was going to feel this way because months ago I planned a girls weekend away which is happening this coming weekend! How lucky am I? At first I was nervous and worried for leaving my babies – how will they cope without me but now I am so looking forward to going away. Not only will I get some real quality friend time, but I will also get free time away from the kids. Away from little people yelling “mommy, mommy, mommy”. Oh boy, if I had a cent each time they said mommy!!
So this weekend I will trust that my boys are in good hands and are fine, even without mommy and I will enjoy myself to the fullest. I will be fully present knowing that I am doing something GOOD for myself! It is about time! It is about time that I start following the recommendations I give my clients and that I write about in my book.
My hope is that this weekend will give me the strength to finally finish it. Wish me luck and stay tuned!!!
Getting back to normal
I have stopped breastfeeding and as a consequence my hormones are changing. Any woman that has gone through this, knows that this is no fun! It’s an emotional rollercoaster! One minute I cry, the next I am angry! What is going on!?!?
I am longing to get back to normal.
One problem though!
I still don’t fit into my regular clothes 🙁
When you become pregnant, almost your whole wardrobe needs changing. The difficult part is that you don’t know how big you will be and when (i.e. in which season). I have spent so much money on clothes and bras, for both during pregnancy and after pregnancy and so much of it I have never used.
Now, I am still not at my pre-pregnancy size and it’s frustrating trying to find something to wear, that I feel good in.
This in-between-phase sucks!
I know these changes are temporary and I will soon get back to my normal female rhythm. At least the thought of that keeps me sane. Although the normal rhythm also has it’s drawbacks – if you know what I mean?
*Sigh* the downside of being a woman!
In any case, another thing that keeps me going is that I will soon start training again. In a few weeks I’ll be going back to my beloved boxing training! I cannot wait! Other joyful news is that I have started “yoga with baby”-classes with the wonderful Lorien! I love the stretching and I love that I can bring my baby.
As you can see, I try to focus on the happy and good things, although it is hard some days – especially because we still don’t sleep fully at night! But hopefully the last kilos will vanish quickly so I can fit into my jeans and feel like myself again.