Why most people are scared to deal with trauma
The word TRAUMA is big and scary. Since I have been advertising myself as a trauma coach, it’s as if people need to justify that they had a terrible childhood to come to see someone like me. I get the sense that some people don’t get help because they can’t justify having had a terrible childhood. But trauma is so much more than “simply” having had a terrible childhood. I would like to clarify this here.
How does trauma show up for you?
When we say trauma, I think people hear what we call Big T Trauma, which is severe neglect or years of sexual abuse. They think of people who have terrible mental health problems like severe personality disorders. They think of people who can’t function in society.
This is a big misconception that I will try to address here.
We don’t have to have experienced a big dramatic event to have been impacted by trauma. Trauma happens when you experience something and your brain is not able to make sense of it in the moment. And if that’s not dealt with, it can affect your everyday life.
How may of you have ever had something happen in your past that you don’t like thinking about?
- A hurtful break up?
- A time your parent punished you and didn’t speak to you for days?
- A project in school that didn’t go well and everyone made fun of you?
- A time when another person touched you and you didn’t like it
- When you came home with a successful project to show, but didn’t get the recognition that you wanted and deserved?
Everybody has experienced hurt and pain that have left deep scars inside us. These things, that have happened, still affect you in some way.
- They make you avoid similar situations today
- Or they make you feel like you’re not good enough
- Or your emotions take control of you
- Or they make you play small in life
Really, we have all experienced trauma to some degree – many just don’t call it thatAnne Louise
Painful feelings that are caused by trauma is also:
- being rejected
- Feeling of worthlessness
- To be excluded
- To not feel good enough
- To feel guilt or shame
- The need to flee a situation
Sarah had an embarrassing situation happen when she was in school that she has never gotten over. She had to present a project at school and even though she had prepared for it, she felt nervous and was very unsure of herself. When she started, she realised she had gotten some things wrong and because she was so nervous, she was stuttering through the whole thing. Her classmates were not very supportive and laughed and ridiculed her. They never let her forget this experience for the rest of the school year.
As a result, Sarah hates doing presentations. She is so traumatised by what happened to her, that she refuses to put herself in a situation like this ever again. This strategy worked for a while, until Sarah was up for a promotion at work that required her to make a presentation to the team.
Sarah has a choice to make now. She can either keep doing her strategy and refusing to present, and miss the opportunity to get this promotion that she really wanted, or she can try to heal her past wounds, so she doesn’t have to be scared anymore.
Which does Sarah choose?
What do you choose?
You see, you are Sarah. There is no doubt something in your life that has happened that is holding you back from doing what you really want to do.
- Is it being in a romantic relationship or
- going after a job you really want or
- having the courage to stand up for yourself and show the world who you really are?
You can choose to stay in your comfort zone and never getting what you really want out of life or you can heal your past and create your dream future.
Small t trauma
Trauma isn’t always the big T traumas like sexual abuse or abandonment. But there are also more subtle small t traumas that impacts our lives. If you were not allowed to really be who you were as a child or it wasn’t ok to express feelings, or having parents who didn’t regulate their own feelings. These are all traumatic experiences that affects us in our everyday life, when they haven’t been dealt with.
Why am I interested in trauma?
The reason I am interested in trauma is because I am passionate about the human body. Our body is an amazing systems that is talking to us all the time. Our body remembers everything we have ever experienced and knows exactly what it needs and what it wants. Our body never lies. Emotions and physical sensations, thoughts and dreams are all ways in which our body is talking to us. I find it fascinating to try to find out what it is saying and what it needs. Our body knows what the root cause is of all our problems and the trick is to pay attention and to find out what it is saying. Trauma is stored in the body and only when it is released can healing happen.
Finding the root cause to a problem
Only when we find the root cause of a problem can it really be fix or healed. I know there is a root cause for everything and what we often do instead of healing the past, is to numb our pain with painkillers, food or alcohol. These strategies are merely like putting a plaster on the wound, but the problem is that eventually the wound will be exposed again and start bleeding. But if we can find the root and heal the wound at this level, then the wound never has to be bleed again. This is real healing. And this is what I mean by healing from trauma.
When you start to understand where your behaviours come from, you can start making sense of your world. When I started to understand why it is so hard for me to ask for help or why I’m such a perfectionist, it helps to begin to find out what to do with it.
For total optimal health and well-being, we need to be able to face our past pains, traumas and try to heal. So we can live a pain free, happy whole life which we all so crave and deserve.
You can start your healing today. Start with booking your free Get Real session with me to find out what dreams you have for your life and what is holding you back from getting it. You can then start your tailor-made healing program and become person you were born to be. You are worth it!