Do you remember a few months ago I told you I was writing a book? Click here if you aren’t sure! The plan was to write all the content this summer. It was going really good in the beginning, but somewhere along the way, the book became less and less of a priority! I kept finding excuses for not writing. There was always something else that felt more important.
Yesterday one of my friends asked me about it and I was embarrassed to admit that the book has been put on hold. That is really what is happening. Sometimes you don’t know whether something is true or not before you have said it out loud.
After admitting it, I was trying to figure out why! I am a coach after all! I wanted to get to the bottom of it. It happens that said friend is also a coach, so she was curious too. We started asking and answering questions as we do while listening intently and this is what I realised:
My book is about motherhood and that it is ok to admit that it is hard. The book contains the story of my personal journey into motherhood and how it all changed my life. First to the worst, but then to the better! I finish by explaining in depth the several steps I recommend every mother to go through in order to live her best life possible and to be the confident, great feeling person she deserves to be. These steps are easy but I believe they are so important yet many mothers I know have yet to go through them! The book is obviously also about how much I love my children and how I love being a mother… blablabla…. And this is where I stop!
And here comes my big and daring statement: At this moment, at this very moment when I am writing, I hate being a mother and I wish I never had children!
There it is – it is out there! It is a bold and honestly a quite scary statement.
Now before you go off and judge, please understand that I mean this in this very moment. Not all the time, but right now! I love my children dearly and I wouldn’t want my life to be in any other way, except for right now!
Saying it out loud to my friend yesterday felt really good and was such a relief. She laughed and said “well, that should go in your book!”. Ha-ha, the irony! She said I should call it a sh*t Chapter! Well, here is my sh*t blog post about it!
There is nothing wrong with my kids and they are not more hard work than any other kids. They are just normal kids with their normal kids behaviour! They have tantrums, they cry for no good reason – oh boy how I hate this!!! – they fight with each other, they fight over moms attention, they are just being normal small boys.
I long for the days when they don’t need me as much and I can actually have a normal conversation with an adult. Although when this will happen I know that I will miss the days when they were fighting over who gets to hold mommy’s hand!
So what can I do about it? I am not going to sit here with all these feelings and not do something about it. That is just not who I am.
For starters I am going to put my book on hold for a little while and not stress over it. Then I am going to meditate, because meditation just feels good! I am usually in another hemisphere on the days when I meditate.
Another thing I do, or I did, is I went to one of my favourite yoga classes this week. Oh, this also felt so yummy!
Finally the Gods must have knows that I was going to feel this way because months ago I planned a girls weekend away which is happening this coming weekend! How lucky am I? At first I was nervous and worried for leaving my babies – how will they cope without me but now I am so looking forward to going away. Not only will I get some real quality friend time, but I will also get free time away from the kids. Away from little people yelling “mommy, mommy, mommy”. Oh boy, if I had a cent each time they said mommy!!
So this weekend I will trust that my boys are in good hands and are fine, even without mommy and I will enjoy myself to the fullest. I will be fully present knowing that I am doing something GOOD for myself! It is about time! It is about time that I start following the recommendations I give my clients and that I write about in my book.
My hope is that this weekend will give me the strength to finally finish it. Wish me luck and stay tuned!!!