This March will be two years since I last touched a cigarette. It was disgusting! It felt like my lungs collapsed when I inhaled and it tasted BERK… When I put it down, I knew that this was going to be my last cigarette.
I’ve been told many times that “once a smoke, always a smoker”. I for one am curious to see if that truly was my last cigarette.
I suppose it could go either way. Both my parents were smokers. My dad quite around the time he became a dad and never took it up again. He is today one of these annoying non-smokers that are bothered immensely by smokers. Sorry dad, but it is annoying! My mother didn’t smoke during her pregnancies but she’s what I would call an emotional smoker, meaning when life got hard, she picked it up again. I can totally relate to that! Once in a while, when I find life to be particularity hard, I still get the urge to want to light up! I then remember how painful it was and I quickly discard that idea. But the thought is always there. Maybe this is what is meant by “once a smoke, always a smoker”?
I started smoking when I was around 13 or 14. All the cool kids in school were doing it and since I was definitely a cool kid 😜, I was doing it too. Truth be told, it did help my social life a lot! I could strike up a conversation with anyone! Just go and ask someone for a light or sharing tricks on how to keep the cigarette dry when it was pouring down! Anything worked, as long as I had a smoke in my hand.
Naturally I was told about the harmful effects of smoking, but I didn’t care. When you are young, you are indestructible. All the sickness and such would never happen to me! And I knew how my parents had quit smoking, so I just figured I could quit whenever I want!
During most of my twenties I was on the pill. I had heard about complications with women who took the pill, were smokers and over 30. So my idea was to quit smoking when I turned 30.
I did quit when I turned 30, but it only lasted for two or three weeks. So that didn’t work. I had cut down drastically but I was still hooked!
A year later on 19 May 2012 I took the little infamous strip test and two little blue lines showed!
Shit shit shit!
My first thought was not “oh my god I am going to have a baby”. No, it was “oh shit, now I have to stop smoking!”.
It was difficult but I did it. I did it for me. I did it for this little thing growing inside of me. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I were to smoke. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. And that was stronger than the urge for smoking!
Needless to say, I feel much better today as a non-smoker as I ever did as a smoker. I am in so much better shape and exercising is so much more enjoyable, now that I can breath properly. Nonetheless, I don’t think I would change it though if I could. Being a smoker helped me manage some of my anxieties. I also met people that I wouldn’t have met otherwise – sad, but true.
There is one very interesting change I have noticed. I used to have quite a temper and get very angry. The first thing I would do would be to grab a cigarette. I was so worried about how to handle these rage fits without cigarettes. But as with so many things in life, it turns out I didn’t need another coping mechanisms for my rage. It seems that as cigarettes faded out of my life, so did the rage.
I am a happy non-smoker today, but I still remember what it was like to be a smoker and hear from non-smokers. They were really annoying. My dad was really annoying.
Sadly, I do find it smells unbelievably bad and disgusting that I prefer not to be around smokers. So even if I don’t want to, I have become my dad! I am sorry for all the smokers out there, but I have turned. Being a non-smoker is so much better than being a smoker!
There, I said it!
Finally, if you are sitting with this wish to stop but you think you could never. Then I have news for you! If I can do it, then so can you! Believe me!
Tell me about your struggles and maybe I can help you. Email me or comment below.
Let me know what you think of smokers in the comment section below.
